Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
