dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
