When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
