never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
