took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
