how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need a burrito and a hug.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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