Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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