yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
