even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
