i will never coherently bang her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
