something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
