hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
