Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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