She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
