the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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