the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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