I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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