I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
