if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
