So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
