you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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