Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
