he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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