yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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