I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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