what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
