A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
