hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
