yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
