kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
