I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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