So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize
