watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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