T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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