Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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