So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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