i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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