Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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