Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
