he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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