I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
