i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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