I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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