There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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