Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.