i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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