You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
