so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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