i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
