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His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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