just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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