i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
