We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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