I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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