I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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