So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
