Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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