we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
