he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize