Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
