What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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