i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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