take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
