I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
