Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
