I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
