He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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