I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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