That's when you crack a 10am beer
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
