just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
