If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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