You can't special order awesome
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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