i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
