dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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